When I was in college studying to become an accountant, I had a lofty opinion about certified public accountants and their profession. I regarded them as the “good guys”, professionals in the truest sense of the word, purveyors of truth, justice, and the American way. They were, at the very least, the Joe Fridays of my day, wanting “just the facts, ma’am”, the financial facticians, the modern day Galahads and Percivals.
- “You must have wined and dined half the population in Cleveland last year.”
- “You drove around the globe three times on business trips last year.”
- “I could be the worst accountant in the world and you wouldn’t know.”
- “You suck at your business. Have you considered early retirement?”
- “We fudge the hours we bill you.”
He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.
After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."
The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.
"It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.
The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40."
St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"
- “We’re not really experts in anything but Sudoku.”
- “You really don’t need to pay us $300 every year to do your tax return.”
- “We really hate playing golf with you.”
- “You’re a cheap pain in the butt.”
- “Your return is being prepared by some geek in New Delhi.”
Of course, this article does not pertain to you personally, but to the formal, universal you in general. Of course, you are that sterling accountant who fully discloses all to your clients, a superb accountant, a true specialist in your advertised fields, honest and upfront with all of your clients, a sincere lover of the game of golf, never taking preferred lies, a real people person…like me. This article, however, was written for Otto Schmidlap, a CPA practicing in Berlin, Connecticut.
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