The holidays can be a stressful and complicated time for children of divorced parents. They might feel they aren't able to please everyone because they can't be in two places at one time. If they spend a major holiday with one parent, they worry the other parent will feel sad or left out.

"Both parents want the children for the entire holiday and so the children feel that no matter what they do they are disappointing the people who matter most to them," Marilyn Coleman, an expert on divorce and stepfamilies explains. "These children are in a no-win situation unless their parents agree, at least temporarily, to put aside differences and make a mutual effort not to manipulate the kids."

Ons solution to help kids from feeling torn or guilty about spending a major holiday with one parent and not the other is to create a holiday that can be theirs and theirs alone. Parents may wish to choose a less popular holiday that has some cultural or special meaning to their side of the family, such as St. Patrick's Day or Cinco de Mayo, as their "special" holiday with their child. Others may prefer to create an entirely new holiday to share. Parents may also wish to "reschedule" a major holiday if they do not have custody on the real date. To prevent comparisons between "mommy's Thanksgiving" and "daddy's Thanksgiving", the parent may wish to rename the holiday, for instance "Giving Thanks day", to reduce the child's feelings of guilt about preventing the parent from celebrating the holiday on the appropriate day.

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